Let’s be real. Conflict sucks. It’s uncomfortable, messy, and most of us are taught to avoid it at all costs. We tiptoe. We vent to everyone except the person we need to talk to. We shrink. We explode. We overthink. I’ve done all of it.

When conflict would arise for me when I was younger I would immediately go into a fawn response. (people please) and I can say it didn’t help or truly resolve anything. In fact the need to appease and please set me up for failure in a multitude of situations. It would always leave me feeling over extended and less confident dealing with conflict. It took me a few years to re-wire and work through conflict strategically.

When you people please you are relying on the other persons reaction to give you validation that the matter is resolved. It means you are willing to set aside how you feel emotionally and logically to ensure the other persons needs are met vs. actually resolving the issue at hand.

If you take one thing from this blog it is that you matter and you can listen but also be heard. You can meet someone in the middle and bend but not brake.

One step I took to stop people pleasing actually came down to long term self- care. I took courses in understanding trauma, boundaries, and psychology.
This helped me understand why I processed conflict the way that I did and how to trust myself to navigate through tough situations.
I have read books and taken courses in threat assessment, pre attack indicators, and Criminal psychology.
This also helped me understand how other people think, manipulate and navigate.
(These are skills I have since passed on to many clients in self defense settings)

Today as someone who teaches trauma informed self-defense and started a Radio Station I have worked through to many conflicts to count and now I don’t actually fear conflict anymore.

I don’t chase it, and I definitely don’t enjoy it. But I respect it. And I’ve learned that I trust myself to make decisions during high stress situations. The reality to is that sometimes, conflict is just communication that hasn’t been heard yet.

Whether it’s your boss, your coworker, your neighbour, or that one person who constantly finds a way to press your buttons, conflict is part of life. And navigating it doesn’t make you dramatic or aggressive. It makes you self-aware. It makes you someone who’s trying to live with boundaries and clarity instead of resentment and confusion.

So let’s talk strategy.

First, get grounded.
Before you walk into any tough conversation, check on yourself.
How are you feeling? Are you calm enough to speak without spiraling?
Do you want resolution or just to unload? Are you open to hearing their side?
Self-regulation is step one. You can’t de-escalate a situation if you’re escalating it from the inside.

GRITTY GIRL TIP: Sometimes I try to think about if I am able to separate logic from emotion. Emotionally my feelings are valid but logically what is the best way to resolve this within my boundaries. It can be really freeing to ask yourself what the outcomes will be if logic and emotion are not incredibly intertwined. Sometimes solving something rooted in logic over a big emotional reaction can help create clarity.

Second, use direct but non-combative language.
No sarcasm. No vague digs. No apologizing for taking up space.
Try this:
“When X happened, I felt Y. I want to understand where you were coming from and also let you know how it impacted me.”
You’re not attacking. You’re inviting clarity.

Third, stop trying to win.
Conflict resolution isn’t about being right. It’s about understanding the dynamic and shifting it.
Sometimes the goal isn’t agreement, it’s mutual awareness.
Sometimes it’s just knowing where you stand.

Fourth, listen actively.
Yes, even when they’re being difficult. Especially then.
Most people want to feel seen, not silenced.
And listening doesn’t mean agreeing, It just means giving space before reacting.

Fifth, use your intuition.
If something feels off, it probably is.
If the other person is dismissive, manipulative, or twisting your words, that’s not conflict. That’s control.
You don’t owe anyone endless access to your energy.
You are allowed to walk away.

Sixth, know that silence is powerful.
You don’t need to fill every pause.
You don’t need to soften your truth to make the other person comfortable.
You don’t need to rescue them from the discomfort of your boundaries.
A pause is not a weakness. It’s a strategy.
Space in conflict isn’t inherently bad.
Sometimes it’s exactly what’s needed to reflect, to settle, or to shift the tone.
You are not obligated to people-please your way through tension.

Here’s the mindset shift that changed everything for me:
Not every battle is worth your presence.
Being strong doesn’t mean showing up to every fight.
It means knowing when to engage and when to leave with your peace intact.

Also, walking away isn’t weak. In fact…
A confident strut away is bold.
It’s intelligent. It’s self-protection.
It’s choosing your safety: physical, emotional, or psychological over the need to be understood by someone who may never get it.

If the relationship matters, you’ll work through it.
If it doesn’t, you’ll know.

Either way, you’ve got tools.
You don’t need to run from confrontation.
But you don’t need to become a warrior every time someone crosses a line.

There’s a balance.

Sometimes we need to speak up.
Sometimes we need to step back.
And sometimes, we need to burn the bridge and build a boundary instead.

This is what real strength looks like.
Clear. Calm. Direct.
And always in your power.